Taeyeon (SNSD) & The One - Like a Star

100 posts finally. Bye to this blog. Bye to the readers. And one last good bye to her/you. I gave up trying. This is all i got to say. This song is for you.

Countdown!

It's the last second post that i am going to write. Today have to be one of the most terrible day of my life. I was kind of pissed off and sad at the same time. The things i once thought i would hold forever was thrown away by my beloved dad without my permission. Even though it was all torn paper and photos of me and her. Those were all the memories i had with her. It was sad. I scolded my dad for it. He said i left it there like a rubbish behind the tv. Where else can i put it ? I lost my room to my brother. So basically my room is the living room. I left it there so it will not be spotted. FUK IT MAN! Seriously, he just happily say it was not his fault. He did not even bother to look at it from a different view or ask me whether i still need it. And the best thing he threw in bits and pieces down.

I teared. I was in silence for almost an hour living in a state of what should i do next. Should go there and find it. The feeling totally sucks. It does hurt the heart. I hate it totally.

I hate the part that i dreamt of her almost every single night. Every night without fail, i will dream of her regardless. So vivid that i still have her in my arms yet i live in despair and delusion that everything in life is so different now.

Yes. It was long over. In my heart, it have never ended.

Who cares about my blog ?

I decide to change my blog name one last time. For those who cares, eventually they will find their way here. It is easy but if u don't ever bother, hell yeah who cares about my blog.

It have been some time since i last blog as i know she was having her A's. 2 days ago, she finished her last paper. And now i guess she is enjoying her life.

I told myself i will close this blog after 3 posts till it reach 100. I will keep my words as it is.

To the wonderful ex-gf i once hold dearly. Congrats on finishing your A's first and for most. I just have to tell you something before i close my blog. It will be long long time for us to recover for this fall we had. I left scars all around that will never seems to heal forever. I know at this point of time, it had been long over. I am trying to hold back on how i will let go of this. I seek lots of ways to get over this.

Sometimes i feel down, i struggle to hold on. I ask my ex ( pearlyn ). I still miss you but i know i got to let go some day. She told me this. If you felt this way, what makes you think she don't too ? If it is true, i am sorry. I can't bring myself to move on. I know i lost the girl of my life. The girl that i finally realise i could live with for the rest of my life. Who cares about the flaws you have ? I do have too. My flaws are just too huge for anyone to forgive and forget and lastly to accept. It was all too late to say too much. It's a habit i can't change and i know i won't till i learnt it the hard way.

I got to say thanks for caring for my family especially my mum. You will make her day when you come to my house and have a meal and say her food is nice and delicious. And if you did not know. My mum always like to say. Woah your this gf will know how to eat a lot huh. Well. Secret exposed. Come to think of it. I think you will eventually miss her more than i do.

I am still sorry once again for bring this upon you. I know being your very first boyfriend, i will leave the deepest scar more than anyone else you will be with in the future.

I know you will eventually expect this. I love you still. I am still brave to say this even though i am seeing another girl now. I still hope for a chance for forgivenss regardless what it takes. All the decision lies with you now. I will here to wait for a reply. A reply that may not come.

Monday blues

Monday! Tiring ah! T.T Hope this few weeks faster end! ARGH!

Well. It's nice to slack and slack in camp. It seems to contradict sometimes. Ns somehow grab my life away from civilisation. I kind of hate the life i am having now. It's funny why we got to do all this shit. I love my country but the country got to love us too for protecting it. We got to suffer to learn yet there's just a barrier between us, our family and other friends. Yes we learn. Learn to be independent. Learn to be blah blah. Learn to be ....

After this post, my blog's post count will be 97. 3 more to go. I will officially close this blog.

I will have some words to say in these next few posts that will be coming up.

I am not hiding no where. I am brave for what i say. I don't know what lies in front of me. I hope it is for what it is.

Hedley - Perfect (Album Version)

The long weekend is over!

Finally done with NE project! Long weekend has passed! Loving this kind of weekends. And yes i going to have it one more time two weeks later! Woot! 4th week have gone back. Now the 5th week is coming! 3 more weeks and it will be professional term! Hope i go some unit! PRAY AH! DONT GO Advanced Section Leader Course!

Friday- Chong hung birthday celebration! Hope he love the cap we bought for him! well he is enlisting tomorrow. He is one emo kid! ha. Hope he gets his silver asap! AND BOOK OUT! =]

Saturday- Met up with polymates! Talk cock and sing song! WAHAHA!

Sunday - What else can there be today ? Book in day! T.T DREADFUL AS ALWAYS!


Pray no sign extra! no cos! no guard duty! no confinement! wahahaha! PRAY AH!



Hmmm. Horoscope!

You're entering a period of doubt, especially about your love life. You like your relationships and feelings to be clear. You may think a lot about your relationships over the next few days. Are you sure you've chosen the right person? Are his or her feelings sincere? Could you live without this person? The next two months will bring you the answers. Don't forget, no one is perfect.

The Script - For The First Time

What a week!

Long weekend ahead. Woot.

What a week it was. We shed tears, sweat and blood!

Day 1: We went for a outfield for urban operation at Lim Chu Kang Road. Abandoned HDB flats! What can i say about camps ? We all hate it! Can't bath, shit or all sort of nonsense. Well we are left with the last fieldcamp which is 2 weeks later for this BSLC term! Then it will be unit time!

Day 2: We all came back to company line. Hate this part about field camp too. CLEANING OF WEAPON! ARGH! Only slept 3 hours that night. And guess what. We had a 3 to 4 hours of sleep last night only.

Day 3: Navigation at outfield. It was simply fun. Testing our own direction senses. See whether we will hol lan/ holland! ( Lost my way in hokkien ) Well. It was cool. ( at least i did not lost my way inside ) In addition, i did my night navigation with no torchligh. Simply cool!

Day 4 : The ultimate thing to do in SCS! Tear gas! It just left us all crying our heart out. Ha. Well it was called chemical defence. We all get to wear this jumper suit. =/ It was simply hot. And the last of all that we all love about army. BOOK OUT LO!



I have decided to stop blogging after she finished her exams/ when my blog clocked 100 entires.
I seems lost at this part of my life. Army, her and lots of problem. I can't wait to find back my direction of my life. Step by step, i will slowly find the meaning of my life. The true meaning.

I am left with no choice.

Truth

To this point of time. I just got to speak the truth once again. If you readers out there wondered why i open this blog. It was purely for her. You told kevin you did not want to lose contact with my life. I fulfilled it for you. And i will continue to go on with it till the end of your exams. This is for your sake. The very last gift i could give. Whether i will continue to blog after your exams i really have no idea. I getting sick of what state i am in. Not that i gave up. Just that i want to lead my life peacefully and as a loner. Walking my life with not much expectation. I will just live my life as i am and for who i am

You understand how i feel since you read every entires of this blog.

Nevertheless, i hope this last few posts will not affect your concentration on your exams. I will be here still. Just take it as i am ranting if you want to.

David Tao (陶喆) - Yue Liang Dai Biao Shui De Xin (月亮代表誰的心) MV

Random Moves

9 months have passed! To see myself once again in this state. I am quite upset why i keep falling and falling. 9 months back then. I was a happy man. A very happy man. With everything i could have. A happy family, a caring girlfriend and a good life. I wanted more in my life. I was playful. I indeed was. I ruined it in 3 days.

I can't say that i don't enjoy my life now. It seems imperfect. Just missing something. I realised that i really need her now in my life. Regardless what things i need to give up for this to happen again. This is not a want anymore. I tell myself i need her in my life now. I find myself smile foolishly when i see the pictures i took with her. I find myself having the letter she gave me on our 1/2 year anniversary in my book i am reading still. I still have a picture of her and me in my wallet. I soon realised that she's gone for real. I really love her and i still do.

Sometimes i take a deep breath and look into the sky. Is it fate that brought us both together ? I realised she was the one i need and i told this repeatly to myself for the past 9 months. I will get over it. I eventually will. Soon, my brain stop functioning how i want it to be. It just automatically bring me back to what happened 9 months back. I found tears in my eyes even at this moment. I told myself i took one wrong step. That very wrong step i refuses to accept till now.

I told myself i will live with this regret. I will stay single. This love of mine will be kept away in that very place for a long long time. This is the first time for staying single so long and i will continue to be. I finally realise what it meant by i need you in my life.


Well. I am in camp now. Using the laptop to blog once again. Darn the retest tomorrow i got to take. It's retard. i scored 43/50. Nice results right. Well guess what. The passing marks is 45/50. Don't understand what is this. Pure stupidity.






Hey. To people who are constantly reading my blog. I know who are you people. Thanks.

Overly filled with food!

Well. Second nights out for Juliet company! I decided to stay in and not let myself indulge in the environment where all my money will go into food. =]

Somehow my room feels so empty now. Not to talk about it. It's kind of peaceful. Having standard obstacle course tomorrow. The worst activity in Specialist Cadet School. Even though it takes only 10 mins to finish. It will never fail to drain all your energy off from you.

Well going to have my actual Ippt on Thursday too. Silver to get more 100 dollars. Woot. I must jump jump jump my 225! Pray ah! Hope that basketball training helps a bit. That 100 dollars more is not far away! =]



To Siew Eng. Study hard for your 'A' level. Don't keep looking at my blog. So free ah ? Go study more during this time. Better than you waste time over here. Studies first priority! Even though i have wished you good luck for your exams plentiful times. This is one will be the last one.

Puff Daddy/Faith Evans/112 - I'll Be Missing You

봄 여름 가을 겨울 M V

2 weeks down

2/8 weeks

Tiring. Sports day officially is a waste of time! Argh! Why must we have sports day at 5.45am in the morning while most singaporean are still sounding asleep. Haiz

Tse yun birthday! Going to catch a movie later! Time to take a nap! BYE!

HATE IT!

Just hate times like this. When all my bunk mates are attached. While i am single, having no one to talk to. i hate my life. Argh.

Pain!

Went to see the medical officer once again. At last, i got the assurance that my back in one piece. T.T Well. There are still severe pain all over my back. Hope it will recover soon.

Kind of a boring day today. Stupid people doing silly things. Spamming on the chat room with warrant officers inside. Guess what did he spam! ' I LIKE SE*' Now at least we know why idiot starts with I. Ha.

Haze haze go away. Come again another day! I can't run in peace if you are here to stay. =[








Missed

Backstreet Boys - Just Want You To Know (In Live)

Courage

I just love the way we surf the net in bunk and having sufficent time to do our stuffs. Specialist Cadet School may just be the school for me. Well. i did a bold move today.

After considering for so long, i put that hatred down after so many years. She was my first love. My first girlfriend i had. I added her on facebook. She was surprised that i added her too. Maybe it was time i put down that hatred. Hating someone was not a easy task. She chat with me for quite a while. I kind of understand her well still. Many things have happened to her that i guess i let her down in some sense. As a friend, as a foe, as a ex-lover, i have let myself down too. She told me that her dad passed away two years back during dec 2008. It was a shocking news that i can ever experience. I never had something this close happening to me. He was my ex gf's dad. Even though we never talk much to him when i was with her. It hit me hard. Once again realising how much life could mean. How someone so kin to you could leave you so sudden. I could feel the sadness inside her still from the words she used and how she express herself when everything was not alright yet she put out a strong front.

If Erica u are reading this, i always believe you are someone strong. Things may be rough and tough for now. The rain is here to stay but eventually you will put it through like everyone does. Sunlight will show upon you. You can already see glimpse of it shining in front of you. Don't ever give up on yourself as no one has ever gave up on you. No one will ever. No matter how things fall apart. I am here to stay as a friend. I will be here for as long as i can. Hope this words will inspire you to walk on in life as you are one brave woman.




Life does not end here. I believe what army have taught us will pay off some day. We are leaders meant to be. We will carry our values to where we conquer. We will excel with pride. I will learn to be impartial in whatever i do. Ethics! I will fight on with the fighting spirit that we carry.

First nights out for Juliet

Well. Our first nights out! We are the mighty Juliet warrior who lepak! LOL

It have been a hectic weekend somehow for last week. Met up yung xin and gang for l4d2! that's super random. Then i book in for my camp.

Well. Indeed things are real random. She text me yesterday asking for my mum's birthday. I don't really know what that means but i guess it came to nothing once again. My mum keep telling that there's still chances between me and her. I was like O.O

I always believe that chances are given only to people who knows how to appreciate it. Someone once told me chances are given to people who grab it when the time is right. I know the time is not right now. Whether the chance will ever come again, i have totally no idea too.

Today, i have my first nights out in SCS. I guess we are the first company to have nights out in the whole of entire SCS. Not too bad indeed. lol

Well. I am going to book out tmr too! For my X ray. The back injury seems like its recovering after the physicist. Finally can sit on a chair for 30 mins or so. But at times it still feel numb. T.T







Chances don't come twice. You gave it to me once and i threw it away. To ask it again is comparable to ask you fall into a pithole. I am staying single as my heart could not replace anyone with you. Someone as beautiful as you. Till the day i get attached again may be the day i found someone better. That day will come or not is a true mystery as till now you are placed first on my list. Patience is virtue. To me, patience is just an illusion. A illusion too far to dream of.
`

김종국-내 마음이 사랑입니다

The day we step back in!

Sounds so depressing to say this. Once again it's book in day! Kind of sick and tired of army. It's so boring! Hope the weeks pass faster.

-.- Joo koon here i come! =[

Isluse. =/

A day out!

11am to physicist! Needles all over my back! Aw. It works really well. I can finally sit normally with less pain!

1pm to changi general hospital with ah di! See kevin after operation on his leg.

2pm to east point for lunch! Long john! Fat! ARGH

3pm back home!

7pm to parkway to get some stuffs!

9pm back at home!

Busy day. I love busy days. Days without things to do are miserable. Especially when i start thinking of stuffs. Stuffs that are hard to forget. Hate or love is just a thin line i guess.

Specialist Cadet School

1st week of SCS. A new kind of life, a new start of army life. First time seeing SO SO SO many warrant officers around. O.O Well. Life will never be the same again.

Ignorance is it a bliss or ignorance is just pure arrogance ? I wonder.

7 more weeks to go. Bear with it and i will be post out i hope. Hoping to see our 7th coy platoon 1 section 1 people again! darn.

Tomorrow!

It's the last day of block leave. Tomorrow i will be enlisting to my new unit fulfilling my dream of becoming a sergeant. How i wish time would extend just a bit more. I really enjoyed this week with my friends! Thanks! Reality Check Time!

2 huge bags to go to pasir laba camp! I think both weigh around 50kg together. T.T The lucky thing is that my dad will be driving me there! 8am the time to check. I.E. to say it is the start of the new beginning! =] (I.E. << quoted from 2LT Yen Berg! ).

Something do change for a reason and something just will remain the way it is. Looking the first gift she gave me when we got together. The thermometer. It will remain as it is. Believe it or not. It is with me for that 4 months that i have been through in camp for BMT. We constantly change our life in the way we want it, yet not changing it is also a form of changing.

Last day of block leave

Well. In an blink of an eye, one week has gone. It is damn sad my pay only came today. Money does not come free i got to say. We work so hard for that pathetic pay of ours. As we spend every single dollar of it, we slowly forget the true meaning of every blood and tears we shed for that single cent and dollar.

Slowly we realise that what is money compared to friends we have. I slowly let myself go into a dilemna that forgets whats money can do to you or not. Times are getting a turn for me. As i turn single for now, money does not come at a good cost. At the start of month, as i step into the first day. I found out my bank is left with 150 to spend for the month. Not that i am a big spender nor am i a giver of wealth. As i plan for my future, i found myself at this spot of in between the line of lonliness and friends.

A line that i got to decide. To explain in short. At times i can be giving and out-going. At times i can't be that. I only do this as i care for my future. As all this money i save would all go this saving for my uni. Hope you guys do understand what am i going through. =]





I NEED MORE TIME! I WANT A IPHONE 4G!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!


Show some appreciation to your heroes. The people that matter in your life, mom, dad, best friend, girlfriend, your choice.

[HQ] 05 One of A Kind - C.N.Blue w/ Lyrics

MM eulogy

MM Lee's eulogy: The last farewell to my wife

In a touching eulogy to his wife, MM Lee says without Mdm Kwa, he would be a different man, with a completely different life. Here is his speech reproduced in full

MediaCorp

Ancient peoples developed and ritualised mourning practices to express the shared grief of family and friends, and together show not fear or distaste for death, but respect for the dead one; and to give comfort to the living who will miss the deceased.
I recall the ritual mourning of my maternal grandmother died some 75 years ago. For five nights, the family would gather to sing her praises and wail and mourn at her departure, led by a professional practised mourner. Such rituals are no longer observed. My family's sorrow is to be expressed in personal tributes to the matriarch of my family.

In October 2003 when she had her first stroke, we had a strong intimation of our mortality.

My wife and I have been together since 1947 for more than three quarters of our lives. My grief at her passing cannot be expressed in words. But today, when recounting our lives together, I would rather like to celebrate her life.

In our quiet moments, we would revisit our lives and times together. We had been most fortunate. At critical turning points in our lives, fortune favoured us.
As a young man with an interrupted education at Raffles College, and no steady job or profession, her parents did not look upon me as a desirable son-in-law. But she had faith and confidence in me. We had committed ourselves to each other. //
In February 1952, our first son Hsien Loong was born. She took maternity leave for a year. That February, I was asked by John Laycock, the Senior Partner, to take up the case of the Postal and Telecommunications Uniformed Staff Union, the postmen's union. They were negotiating with the government for better terms and conditions of service.

Negotiations were deadlocked and they decided to go on strike. It was a battle for public support. I was able to put across the reasonableness of their case through the press and radio.
After a fortnight, they won concessions from the government. Choo, who was at home on maternity leave, pencilled through my draft statements, making them simple and clear.

Over the years, she influenced my writing style. Now I write in short simple sentences, in the active voice. We gradually influenced each other's ways and habits, as we adjusted and accommodated each other. We knew that we could not stay starry-eyed lovers all our lives; that life was an ever on-going challenge with new problems to resolve and manage.

We had two more children, Wei Ling in 1955 and Hsien Yang in 1957. She brought them up to be well-behaved, polite, considerate and never to throw their weight around as the prime minister's children. As a lawyer, she earned enough, to free me from worries about the future of our children.

She saw the price I paid for not having mastered Mandarin when I was young. We decided to send all three children to Chinese kindergarten and schools. She made sure they learned English and Malay well at home. Her nurturing has equipped them for life in a multi-lingual region.

We never argued over the upbringing of our children, nor over financial matters. Our earnings and assets were jointly held. We were each other's confidant.
She had simple pleasures. She would walk around the Istana gardens in the evening, and I hit golf balls- hundreds of them, to relax. Later, when we had grandchildren, she would take them to feed the fish and the swans in the Istana ponds. Then we would swim. She was interested in her surroundings, for instance, that many bird varieties were pushed out by mynahs and crows eating up the seeds and vegetation.
She discovered the curator of the gardens had cleared wild grasses and swing fogged for mosquitoes, killing off insects they fed on. She stopped this and the bird varieties returned. She surrounded the swimming pool with free flowering scented flowers and derived a great deal of pleasure smelling them as she swam. She knew each flower by its popular and botanical names. She had an enormous capacity for words.

She helped me draft the Constitution of the PAP. For the inaugural meeting at Victoria Memorial Hall on 4 November 1954, she gathered the wives of the founder members to sew rosettes for those who were going on stage.
In my first election for Tanjong Pagar, our home in Oxley Road, became the HQ to assign cars provided by my supporters to ferry voters to the polling booth. She warned me that I could not trust my new found associates, the left-wing trade unionists led by Lim Chin Siong.
She was furious that he never sent their high school student helpers to canvass for me in Tanjong Pagar, yet demanded the use of cars provided by my supporters to ferry my Tanjong Pagar voters. She had an uncanny ability to read the character of a person. She would sometimes warn me to be careful of certain persons; often, she turned out to be right.
When we were about to join Malaysia, she told me that we would not succeed because the UMNO Malay leaders had such different lifestyles and because their politics were communally-based, on race and religion. I replied that we had no choice and that we had to make it work . But she was right. We were asked to leave Malaysia before two years.

When separation was imminent, Eddie Barker, Minister for Law, drew up the draft legislation for the separation. But he did not include an undertaking by the Federation Government to guarantee the observance of the two water agreements between the PUB and the Johor state government. I asked Choo to include this. She drafted the undertaking as part of the constitutional amendment of the Federation of Malaya Act- the Constitution itself. She was precise and meticulous in her choice of words. The amendment statute was annexed to the Separation Agreement, which we then registered with the United Nations. //

After her first stroke, she lost her left field of vision. She slowed down her reading. She learned to cope, reading with the help of a ruler. She swam every evening and kept fit. She continued to travel with me, and stayed active despite the stroke. She stayed in touch with her family and old friends. She listened to her collection of CDs, mostly classical, plus golden oldies. She jocularly divided her life to BS and AS- "before stroke" and "after stroke", like BC and AD.

She was friendly and considerate to all associated with her. She would banter with her WSOs (woman security officers) and correct their English grammar and pronunciation in a friendly and cheerful way. Her former WSOs visited her when she was at NNI. I thank them all.

Her second stroke on 12 May 2008 was more disabling. I encouraged and cheered her on, helped by a magnificent team of doctors, surgeons, therapists and nurses.
Her nurses, WSOs and maids all grew fond of her because she was warm and considerate. When she coughed, she would take her small pillow to cover her mouth because she worried for them and did not want to infect them.

Her mind remained clear but her voice became weaker. When I kissed her on her cheek, she told me not to come too close to her in case I caught her pneumonia. I assured her that the doctors did not think that was likely because I was active. When given some peaches in hospital, she asked the maid to take one home for me, for my lunch. I was at the centre of her life.

On 24 June 2008, a CT scan revealed another bleed again on the right side of her brain. There was not much more that medicine or surgery could do except to keep her comfortable.

I brought her home on 3 July 2008. The doctors expected her to last a few weeks. She lived till 2nd October, 2 years and 3 months. She remained lucid. They gave time for me and my children to come to terms with the inevitable. In the final few months, her faculties declined. She could not speak but her cognition remained. She looked forward to have me talk to her every evening.

Her last wish she shared with me was to enjoin our children to have our ashes placed together, as we were in life.

The last two years of her life were the most difficult. She was bed-ridden after small successive strokes; she could not speak but she was still cognisant. Every night she would wait for me to sit by her to tell her of my day's activities and to read her favourite poems. Then she would fall asleep.

I have precious memories of our 63 years together. Without her, I would be a different man, with a completely different life. She devoted herself to me and our children. She was always there when I needed her.

She has lived a life full of warmth and meaning. I should find solace at her 89 years of her life well lived. But at this moment of the final parting, my heart is heavy with sorrow and grief.

I'm not worthy

Firstly, i got into specialist's sch! So so so so happy now! But the sad thing is my camp will be at pasir laba camp! Joo Koon! T.T So dreadful at times to think of it. Well, at least i got into what i wanted.

OMG IT'S FRIDAY ALREADY >.< 3 more days to enjoy. =[





If she's amazing, she won't be easy.
If she's easy, she won't be amazing.
If she's worth it, you won't give up.
If you give up, you're not worthy.

I gave up. I am not worthy of your love. =] sounds so nice.

The old me!

Remembering i once said to my ex-girlfriend on how i thrifty when i was with her.

Just love the phrase of this. Downgrading myself when i was with her.

From Niwa Sushi to Edo Sushi
From Revoltage to Newbie Shirt
From Nike Air Max to Slippers

I realised how much i really care for her when i plan every bit of my cents and dollars for her just to accommodate her. Well till this day the money was all well spent. Spending to my very last bit of my pocket money just for that one day of meeting her to catch a movie or so. So yes. things to add on.

Well those days ARE OVER! Dennis is ready to step back to life and be himself once again.





BUT I AM STILL BROKE! HAHAHAH! FOOD BAGS CAPS AND EVERYTHING NICE TILL U DROP DEAD MOANING THAT YOU ARE BROKE!

【with Lyric】 ♥ Very relaxing version - Love The Way You Lie ♥ ♫♪

Guard Duty Down! BLOCK LEAVE!

FREEDOM TILL MONDAY! =] hahahaha

Kim Tae Woo - Letter That Can't Be Sent

Guard Duty

T.T

2.30pm tues to morning of wed! SIAN AH!

NEVERTHELESS! I WILL SURVIVE! =]

K-PoP

Download k-pop!
http://www.ihoneyjoo.com/ =]

PHOTOS FOR POP!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/54497226@N05/5049209485/

All the photos for my POP! I filtered lots of them from different places. Credit to some of the people like adrian's friend zhi yong and lots more.

Going for a jog soon! It's going to rain =[

Aim to lose 5 more kg to 70kg and train up! =]

Kim Jong Kook 김종국 잊을게 지울게

To her!

I got nothing to say to you. You know how i feel. I believe so. I will stop eventually. Years to come. Decades to come. It does not matter anymore. As i know the end will draw near for us. I do miss you still. Words do not matter anymore as we run away from each other. I admit i am running so do you.

I will not be sorry anymore as it will be no use.

This next song will be for you and me. Hope you like the song and know what the song means.

The day we put our head up high

The day we have became TRAIN SOLDIERS! Finally we promoted from a chao recruit to a private!


Where my future lies next. SISPEC i hope. Aiming my dream to be a 3SG!


My dream is not far away i guess.


As days count down to my next posting on 8 of October!



Just love the days in 7th company. We were the pioneer of this legendary company. We will leave our legacy down generation of recruits that will be like us.



Congrats to all of us who POP! 3 thousands of us. The parade was marvelous due to you all!
Always remembering 7th Coy! =]

Never to forget Platoon 1 Section 1. My beloved bunk mates. I will never ever forget you guys for life. No matter where we are, no matter wherer we go, we will always be 7th Coy Platoon 1 Section 1 pioneer batch! =]

On My Own (Les Miserables/Glee)

A day out alone.

Went down to east coast park to cycle. Love the weather today. So sunny! Down that path of sorrow, it brought back some memories with her. I hate this feeling to go somewhere that only bring back memories of me and her. It went to a state of emotional all around cycling that path.

To conclude days in BMT.
I achieved what all i wanted. ( At least i guess )

IPPT Silver
SOC 6.35 mins
Finished all the route march without falling out
Made tons of friends! YA!

Watched Wall Street! Indeed nice. With all the money involved ( Millions to Billions to Trillions ) O.O How a nation could fall down without the banks! All the genius and guru in the show showing how you could make money in a flash! $.$ SHOW ME THE MONEY!

I just want to say how much i miss you and love you but it is all over =/

C.N Blue - A.ri.ga.tou

The day we step out to be man!

The days pass as i head my way to the ground where i am going to pass out as a soldier. Till this day 12 days have passed since my lovely birthday.

1 week left. Just one last week. I got to say i will miss this place of mine where we called home. From the step we all have our first foot step into tekong, we all really hate this place. Some call it hell, some call it the place we will hate most. For now, i felt different in feeling when we leave this place. W spent 4 months in this place where we will experience hardship and pain. To be put this to short. Hardship and pain we went through but it was all worth the while. We gain more than we lost.

In time to come i will keep learning that mistakes are grave and it will be regrets in life. Even though me and her has ended. My heart still fonder over the happy memories that we once had. I still miss her. Even at this very moment, i still can't lie to myself. I really want her. I really want to spend my lifetime with her. This very special girl. Is there love forever in this world ? Or is it just a myth that people say since god knows when ? Just let time pass faster so i can escape from this fact what is gone will never come back.

To my section mates till my platoon mates:

I will never forget you all. Trust me. You guys are the best. From working from a section to working as a platoon size. We worked and put in our best. The best moment is how we piece all our efforts into the skid that we did during National Education presentation. Best platoon/First platoon is not far from what we believe. Being the best is not a dream anymore. For the time constrict to the lack of sleep, everything was worth it.

Thanks for the good memories! =]

Book In Day!

It's the second last book in day we will have. 2 more weeks to POP! Where we sing A is for POP! I is for POP! R is for POP! All the way till E! The days have gone by. We countdown to the day we march into marina platform for our parade.

I know you are still reading my blog. Remember what you always like to say. Curiosity kills the cat. Bang and you are the cat. Good luck for yr prelims. Well i pretty much have no idea whether it is over yet. Just wishing you in advance or belated in some ways.

Prata Day!

Craze for prata! Finally got hold of it at Kembangan! One egg and one egg with onion and a shared plate of maggie goreng! It was indeed fatting to the max. Can't really resist the temption.
Enjoyed my day out with friends. Birthday to raymond! Went for his birthday celebration at SIM building beside hwa chong. It was some weird place to be at. The school was awesome from the exterior. It was more like a village than a school ( more or less expected from a good school ). It was so different from other neighbourhood schools that we see in Singapore. An eye opener i got to say.

Short post this time. Kind of tired. Got to run! 8km run! Jia you to you and me! SLEEP TIME! NIGHTS!

Jay Chou's "An Jing" MV (with chinese pinyin)

What a 21st birthday!

Firstly i got to thank all of the people who wishes me happy birthday! THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH! Finally i stepping into the week of enjoyment. With only my last 24km route march to go. With no worries in me, i will move on and continue with life.

Firstly my first thank you will go to the clique who go through rough and tough with me. Chong Hung, Ah Di, Kevin, Tse yun, Varun. Thanks for the cake you guys bought for me! That really cheer me up for my this birthday of mine.

Well. I still feel down even till this moment of my life. With my ex messaging me all sort of rubbish on my birthday. Something to you that i really wish to say though. I really wish that you would not send that message of yours to me.

SE: Like i don't know that we will never patch up ever again. Who do not know that. 6 months ago you told me this and what answer did you get ? And now you want me to know it again on my birthday ? Yes. You made your stand clear enough. We both know it. If you really wanted to gave up on me, you had already done so 6 months ago. If you wanted to get over me, you should have done so. Yes i made it so clear on my blog that i still like you. I made it one sided that i still have feelings for you. I still care for you and i don't know why. I am human too you know. You have succeed to send me to the land of despair on my 21st birthday. I could only say that i was emotionally unstable for that particular day. And I hate it. I don't really blame you for anything or everything. I am your first boyfriend. I left you with no choice to break off with me. I know i have hurt you bad enough. I stop asking for any form of patching up. All i wanted was to spend some time with you as a friend and none other than that. I want to give up on you gradually as a friend too. Practically you and I both know that the feeling suck when things are left hanging over there. I know you would not get over me that easily too. It is not due to the fact that i still like you or whatsoever. Touch your heart and stop explaining to me that you will gave up on me. If you would, you would not even be reading my blog at this exact moment. Give me an option and so to you. I know i can't be a good boyfriend but at least a friend to you.

Bosson- one in a million (with lyrics)

High key events

Long day it was yesterday. Caught a 'erotic' show with the movie gang consisting of bliss, tse yun and varun. Going the distance was one of the humourous show T.T M18 explains it all. With all the sexual talks in the movie, i was wondering why am i there. With new terms to use. Humming xD



Tao huei once again. It was like a normal routine for us to eat that after the movie! I still can't believe i took a cab costing me 20 dollar from pasir ris to my house! =_= scamming to the max but time isn't enough for me. After being confined in camp for 48 hours, i was practically rotting and showing off my Pro Evolution Soccer's skills in camp. Ha. Well. Trashed the sgt from the neighbouring company. =X It is cool to get to know some new friends. Desperate moments came when i stepped my first foot on Singapore! Suddenly, the feeling came. Saying I Love Singapore at such moments really meant a lot at that blink of eye second.



This year birthday will be so different for sure. Still living in denial, all i hope was a simple meeting up with my ex, siew eng. That was all i wish for this year. I don't know why i have to do too.



If you are reading this siew eng, there is something i got to clear and say.



The day i confessed my ugly truth to you. I know i am prepared to lose you. Trust me. I did not expect the impact will be so great to my life. I never expected it. Till this day, even though i lead my simple life once again. My mind still thinks of you time to time. I can't say i love you anymore. I don't wish for another chance to patch or even woo you again. Who cares whatever i speak of about love. I never really understand it either. I will eventually stop loving you because it will only haunt me for what i did to you. The nightmare that will smurf me throughout this lifetime of mine.







The moment your tears came down from your lovely eyes. My heart broke. I trembled and I sense the feeling i am lost. I could not bring myself up standing as the end draws near. I knew the storm will be revolving over the sky with the darkest times i have ever met. I quarantine all my thoughts about you into a small box enclosed with umpteen locks that you would unlock them one by one. For your case, is the same ? I ponder till this very second. Trust and unbelief lies in mystery side by side. Who cares or maybe who knows ?

High Key Events

Finally I am out. After 2 days of confinement and almost 2 weeks of staying in. I am back in front of my computer heading out soon. It's a long weekend this week due to our melayu holiday! Hooray to them. Finally finish the book i long for. Aiming to buy Under the Dome soon!

Can't believe in 4 days more time i will be officially 21 years old T.T so old already!
Well this year my birthday wish will never come true anymore due to some reason. Nevertheless, i will still try to enjoy myself.

Heading out soon!

Blog more later!

CNBLUE - 사랑 빛 (Love Light)

Shooting far

Doing nothing on a sunday sucks totally. HATE IT!

Well. Once again back to the point where all the guys got to book in again. BORING!

Now i just hope my passing out parade will soon be here. Even though it will be 1 month away only, i still looking very much forward to it. Counting down to the day, it seems longer.

One more thing to take note that i got to count down to. My 21st birthday. For all my friends, 21st birthday isn't a simple thing to go pass. This year i really got none of the mood to celebrate my birthday. It is not due to the fact i am single. I seems meaningless in some way. I always hate to celebrate birthday. Especially this one. I don't want to have a chalet or any sort of stuffs.
If there is really one wish that i hope it will come true, that is............

Some of my friends still knows that my heart did not wander off. It is still here. Yet many have already thought that it has already been gone. Reality check once again. I realise being single and alone in this world means that i am being weirder and weirder by day. Not in that sense of weird. Is just that the usual loud and noisy me was toned down to a quieter me. Who will thought that i, Dennis Goh, will grab a book walking down the road reading and almost missing a step or so resulting a fall or whatsoever.

Y. Why. CN Blue

Field camp special

Surrounding with insects, bugs, trees and last of all SOIL! Field camp is over and i am so glad about it. Everyone glad about it. I learnt lots of things about survival. Survival in a forest is just being dirty all over the places. Well, that is just part of the whole picture. When people start to struggle with ways to survive, you learnt that people tend to be selfish in some ways. Being human or not, tendency of people being selfless in this world are getting lesser and lesser.

Selfless or selfish is all in the person's mind. To be truthful, i would also love to be selfish sometimes. Who don't wish to ? To be ignorance over things and keep your ass off everything that bothers you. That is when you see human's ugly side. Being friends or foes, it is lucky i have only 1 more month till i pass out from this BMT phase of mine. Love people in there but in some sense hate some people in there too. Friends are just happy memories that will always be remembered for life but foes are just stepping stones that you will just step on them and leave them behind.

Loving the way i walk this path of mine. Soon we will all know this picture of people true self inside them.


Love today. Finally bought the nike bag i wanted long long time ago. Check list one cleared!

Hong Kong Cafe to home to bugis to pool and to slack and home. Chain of activities. I found the book i going to read next. Under the Dome by Stephen King. Found it at the newly renovated Kinokuniya at bugis junction. Interesting content sparked the inner me making me sure of buying that as my next book.

Days gone by and i feel more and more miserable each day. While the day ended ( even though it was like 2am++ ) as i walk through this path of my life. I totally gave up on love. Looking back how long the very day i broke off with siew eng. Just a gentle reminder to myself. 6 months it will be soon. The very day i made this bold decision of mine to let everything fall in front me. I took a risk that seems meaningless at all. It was March 9 2010. It will always stay fresh in my mind. I lead my downfall and i got no one to blame except myself. I am single because i made a mistake. A lesson learnt and promise not to let my heart ponder around anymore. Like a flame burning, untouchable by bare hands. When will this flame extingush ? Long or short ? Doubts all over.

Field Camp

Http://jenpoo.com/ <- good website for download for korean songs

Well. It is just one more day to countdown to my field camp. All prepare to turn muddy and punishment coming ahead. All prepared and ready to head off. 6 days of not bathing and tons of sweat coming ahead. It will be a life time experience for me. I have never been to any camps or adventure trips in my life.

Hoping for all the best and signing off short for this post as I AM RUNNING LATE FOR BOOK IN! HA!

Good luck to you guys reading my blog and good luck to me =]

Lady Gaga - Speechless (Live at the VEVO Launch Event)

Step Up 3 while I Step Down

Friday came. I was barely excited or sad about it. Slightly of a neutral feeling that I wouldn't know how to describe. Well. 7.10pm booking out from tekong and catching a movie at 9.30pm at the cathay wasn't a fun thing to do. Rush rush rush! Time wasn't under my hands. Just yet i caught my movie without fail. Ha.

Well. It was a fun day indeed esp the movie itself. Nice dance move they got there. Nevertheless I can't say anything either since the dancers in the movie itself is already the best in the world as seen on the newspaper. To the people out there, catch the movie before it is too late. Something you cant miss in cinemas now. Thumbs up!

Step down to square one. I know it is hard to face the fact but yeah it is still hard. Ok. What in the world I am saying. Well. Using the word 'But' in a so different manner. I will never going to fall in love again for a long long time. YES. I am saying this out clear to lots of people out there. I going to take this as a vow. I WILL NEVER GOING TO FALL IN LOVE AGAIN ANY TIME SOON. Put it a year or more.

I have decided this so. I am still heart-broken after months. It is snowballing badly. For many people out there, i am stepping down for what i have done. Lets remain as friends to many people that i thought i had hope with. Yes i diagnose myself with this severe broken heart of mine.

With evidences all over again and again. With the third romance book i am reading. I just want to be alone enjoying my life with friends. And purely friends only.

'The last song' the third book. Ronnie and Will. Hope they will have a nice ending since I haven't read the ending of them yet.



To her: It is hard to face the fact that you are gone. Gone with the wind. The rain started pouring in and i am still drenched in the rain. I need a umbrella to cover me off this storm. For every dream that holds you and me, it felt like a thunder that struck me. Many brave souls have survive through this storm as i creep pass this road with flowers intact on the road side. Are we are meant to be ? Are you the one ? I know the sunshine will come one day. I simply just wish that person holding the umbrella will be you. Purely you.

Aslyn - that's when i love you

Awesome Music and lots of food

Its just enjoyment. Moving from camp to home to orchard to plaza sing to the art house to bedok to eunos to home. Day of travelling but indeed it was a enjoyment. Finally catch inception. Indeed it was a nice show. Complicated yet nice. Dream upon dream. Is ficiton better than reality ? The plot was nice, storyline was nice too and indeed that what was made it a nice show.



People ask. Answer from me. It is indeed nice but no matter it is still a dream. Face reality only with confidence or you may just find yourself trap in a maze within maze. So i asked myself am i in a maze here ? Or it just a way out long ago which i refuse to move out ? Ha. Reflecting myself through a movie sounds rather ridiculous. Well. I guess i am just bored.



Well i bought another book. The last song by nicholas spark. I wanted to buy this book for quite some time already. It took me no hesitance to grab this book off the shelves and went straight to the counter to make payment.



Well. By the time, i was kind of late for the concert. I rushed from plaza sing to the art house and found myself in this Singapore Buddhist Mission Youth Organisation concert. The ticket was $15 but i found myself indulge in this enjoyment by various youth singing and dancing. Even though it was a mini concert organise by them, it was all worth the money seeing the youth at such age bringing themselves to this stage exposing their potential and maybe the chance to shine in front of their parents and friends. We could all see their effort and time they have used for this concert. Heard a very familiar song from the concert and will post it after this post and lastly. Appreciation and respect to them!

By the time it ended, it was already 9.45pm. Went off and walk pass Raffles Place where i caught a glimpse of the fireworks for the opening of YOG at marina bay sands. Went to bedok to find some food to fill up my growling stomach! And lastly i met up with GG to return her book. And finally took a cab back home and for a while being online. I landed myself on my bed.

JS - Fireflies - Owl City

Monopoly and chicken wings

What a day it was yesterday. Friday the 13. The day i did a RT. Many people will think what is RT. Well for people who have finished army or heard of it before. It is called remedial training. Where we all stay back till sat morning then we get to book out. Well it was a interesting night. Indeed it was. The day was the most enjoyable day we had in army. We have nothing to do except sleeping.

It was friday the 13 for a reason for me. IPPT i failed. By 1 pull up or maybe we shld put it as a miscount mistake from the sgt. In army, we call this suck thumb. There is nothing we can do about it. T.T

Well. At least we enjoyed the night. With monopoly and tons of chicken wings to eat. Yesterday ended with a blast.


As for me, I finished reading my book "P.S I love you". Like finally. LOL It does make some sense why do i feel like this after the break up with siew eng. I just fickle around with my mind as i still love her or not. Everyone says time is a healer but in contrast absence makes the heart grow fonder. Every morning i find myself once again single all alone. It seems nothing is healing or maybe it healed but i still cant forget the days we spent every single moment.

Even though I really love my life now. There are still times where I will slow down and think whether i made the right choice once again and continue to move on. The sentence spells this. Yes indeed i moved on. How life should continue or maybe how my future lies i will never know. But just like Holly in the book. At least both of them had the happy moments and just like me and her. The moments will always be there and this will always stay as it will be. I am ready to experience more happy memories and see more of life than staying at this small box.

ALL OUT TO LIFE! CHEERS hahaha

"I'm Movin' On" - Rascal Flatts Official Music Video

The days ahead

Well. I have ended one situation by one situation. Now i am all alone. Heading for a new future.
I stopped all my nonsense with her due to some phobia from her. Refusing to meet me. I was like What the hell phobia is that ? Dennishobia ? Ha. It all ended with a big, i would say confrontation on msn. We kinda blast it all out and settled our stuffs once and for all.

I knew i would kind of regret it as i would just lose another friend of mine. But she could not decide her future so i decided it for her. It was kind of for her own good. I done lots of wrong things in this friendship of mine. Hope she will meet another guy that would love her. Guess i was a big bad friend of her. Well. Good luck to your days ahead w/o me.

Like a bird, i am all free with my wings spread out wide. Looking ahead with a positive mindset.



Soon, I realise i wasn't really falling back on siew eng. Basically i should put it as i had too many memories with her in the 25 months we had together. Everywhere i go, it just contain an image i carry with me. For example, like yesterday i went to ehub for bowling. A image of her and me sitting down at the edge of the shop opening eating some taiwan mee sua, the image where we queue up for cup walker and lastly the part where we shop for sushi at the NTUC. It's all about image and this is what i am. I can't change the fact that i am a sentimental person. All i could do is just live with it. Even though i am gradually losing the feel of me and her. I guess there is a certain percent i will carry throughout my life with me that contains her and the memories we been together. =']

Dilemma

FML. Girls are really a pain in the ass. I am not going near any.
THEY BITE AND BRING YOU UPSIDE DOWN! =]

Single! Brothers! For Life! Woot!

Eminem - Love The Way You Lie ft. Rihanna

Day 2 of National Day Break

Well. 6 minutes of messaging with siew eng. It was well over. Well time to review on myself. I ask myself at times. Is it really because of my character I have built on over the years that i have never patch with any of my ex-girlfriends ?

On a review from the book i am reading. Holly never knew much of what she is capable of. She was over dependent, when Gerry around. She was over complacent with her life. Living her life revolving over Gerry. It was all well over. Months have passed since Gerry passed away. She still grieved over his death living with letters left by her. Step by step, she walk over the path Gerry setup for her. What a sweet husband she had.

On this very day, I realise my downfall is not only based on me. I met with many people around me. Causing me to fall back once again. I thought you could have been the right one. Now i telling myself to give up on you too. Well. Am i important to you at all ?

Well. I am just going to enjoy myself now and i will never know what my future lies.

SUCK THUMB BABY!

It's National Day

It's national day. The day we, singaporean, all celebrate our country birthday of 45 years of independence. With peace and prosperity in our country, we all enjoy our life with disaster free ( except for excessive rain -_- ).

Another week of enjoyment and events to be coming up. Today will be a slack day for me. Enjoying my tea time snack at Niwa Sushi once again. I don't know why i don't get sick of that place. Memories ? Maybe. Well, at least for today i have my buddy to accompany me to eat there. Well. Had some free time and found out some secret about my buddy. Well. What can i say. Singapore is a small country i guess.

Meet up with tse yun and kevin after that for a meal or two. Playing pool, shopping and never the less SLACKING! Enjoyed today with a blast at least. Guess what its already 2.10am now.

Nicely said. And its time to sleep!

PLAN TO FINISH P.S. I LOVE YOU BY NATIONAL DAY!!! 120 MORE PAGES! JIA YOU DENNIS! WAHAHAHA

To siew eng. I know you are reading my blog. Feel free to comment if you wish to. I am not that petty. And you know i am just joking about much stuffs. If you still take me as a friend, feel free then. =]

S.H.E - Super Star Delicate to that someone HAHAHAHAH! =]

The PowerHouse Blast!

Powerhouse Powerhouse Powerhouse!

Well. Yesterday was a nice day to start and end with. Starting a day at 1pm isn't always a bad thing. Time passes real fast yesterday. I got to drop some events due to lack of time. Well started the day with meeting tse yun for lunch and booking of her Iphone 4G.

Soon afterwhich, went for a slow jog with tse yun and yucheng at ecp. It was 4pm then. A slow jog till 445. Basketball after that till the sun sets. By the time, I got home. It was already 7pm. My family was all gone and I got the news that they went out for my grandfather's birthday. All left alone at home. I get myself prepared for the last event of the day. Kevin Birthday At PowerHouse!

It was a blast. We all know it and i know it like how we taste it. Black label! Martell! And all we see was merlions! Ha. First one down. Chia Hon Tek. 45 mins of drinking he was well gone. Next to go was Kevin, the birthday boy! LOL. Next was Sebastian! Ha. The ultimate drink drank drunk goner. Dance till he drop dead! And next was me! It was a fun night and ENJOYABLE was the funny thing you can get! =]

Well did some foolish stuffs there! To start I message my ex. Ha. And next i started calling gillian for whatever reasons.

With my head spinning like mad now, i think i got to stop for now. Lets all wait till next week.



YEAH I GOT MY OLD SELF BACK! WOOT>.< TO START! LET ME DO SMTH FUNNY AFTER MY THIS POST! WE SHALL SEE! =]

Paramore: The Only Exception [OFFICIAL VIDEO]

Standard Obstacle Course

Well. I always thought army was a breeze. This was not the end yet it was not the start too. Start of my horror starts with this course, most guy will have to overcome in army. Standard obstacle course. In short, SOC it was called. I never really know my fear of heights was that great till the day I stand on the jacob's ladder. Having myself struck on the log for practically 10 mins. It was an illusion my mind have been running through my mind, trying to convince myself to overcome my fear.

Even though it was a once in a lifetime experience at SOC. I injured my palm with 4 blisters on my 2 hands. It was a painful too. Look at this from another point of view. To overcome something is such a short time was tasting victory from the tip of my tongue but to lose it as soon as one day too was a fall from the sky. One word. ARGH!

Well. Even since siew eng had been out the picture, I told myself it was well over. I overcome it too. I simply stop thinking of her for the past week. Even though i dreamt of her for the first 3 days for army. Sunday, monday and tuesday. It all seems so dim. Fading like a dying light.

I know she will still be the best girlfriend i ever had. Ha. But the thing is i ever had. She's gone for a reason. There is no more tears shed for her. No more there will be.




I am well prepared this weekend! DRUNK I WILL BE! POWERHOUSE IS WHERE WE WILL GO AND GET DRUNK! HA! GOOD LUCK TO ME AND MY BROTHER KEVIN!

Wander like a soul

Like a body without a soul i was for the past few months. Moving around with that fake smile of mine. What should i say about this. At present, I am pretty glad I moved on. I took it the hard way. Like many people it was hard to move on. I am single now. I stay on with my single life.

Like a apple pie, many of us don't wish to see me crumble again to a state that many never seen before for years. The last time i went on to this state, it was years back like after my O's when i broke up with first ex. It was the hardest moment that many of us have to face. Some survived and some obviously left this world. I am the strong among the weaks.

I going to let god play with this for the next few months while i venture on with my conquest in army. Dennis aims to achieve things like:

> Silver at least for IPPT
> To lose weight and espically my stomach fats!
> To get into a command school ( Specialist School ) T.T Mandai!~
> Enjoy my days till I POP!


Like Holly in the book, I won't be her. Living life with regrets and day by day waiting for a letter. There are still many people i should care for. And yes i am caring still.

See you guys next week. Time to book in again today!! -.- Dreadful!!

It all ended.

Ending of a beautiful relationship, friendship and now I officially declare me and her as strangers. It is hard to go pass this stage of my life. As i lost another friend, yet she don't really bother at all. How sad is my life. Well basically relationship do end on this path that both parties refuse to bother what and how it happened.

First it happened to me and my first ex, Erica. Now it happened again on another ex of mine, Siew Eng. Sometimes life is just weird at times. Come to think of it. The day i befriend her and start to hate her, the last thing i wanted to do was to break all connections with her. From msn, facebook, skype and even my blog. I know she have been reading my blog like many people do. She still care for me. The day we last chat last week. She gave me a cold shoulder through out the whole conversation. It seems funny yet weird. She message my friend of mine this.

Did den deleted his blog ?............. She wanted to know my blog. She did not want to lose contact with me.........

How complicated can human being be. She's one I got to bow down to. She asked me something like this. What do you want from me after so long ? Would a friend ask you direct to your face this ? I was traumatized how ugly she can be. I was her ex boyfriend and yet i don't think i am her dog or something along that line. Mutual respect is what I always expect from people. I don't owe her my life. What is done is done. I can't do anything to turn time back yet i tried my best to salvage all there is. I face my life with a new light now. Not to hate her but just not to know her anymore. I will continue to love her. And don't get this message wrong. Like a memory in my mind. I will love her for who she was when she was with me in the past.

The old her practically.

A New Day

Well. It all ended.

Tired. I am well drained from this week army physical training. Shall blog again tomorrow. Nights People!

Westlife - You Raise Me Up (With Lyrics)

Pathetic Me

Sorry to Gillian Gan. I got to say sorry to you for all sort of reasons. Sorry for not able to recover. Sorry for not able to bring myself up again. Sorry for breaking your heart again and again. Sorry for being insensitive. Sorry for being a complete loser in your eyes. Sorry for being such an arse.

I am staying single for now. When will i recover myself ? I have no idea. My self-esteem and confidence level is dropping by day. I am feeling like a complete loser. I don't know what am i doing to myself. I hate myself at times. I really do. I hate myself for not doing anything progressive for my happiness. I know what i really want but i am not fighting for it. Because of that, i feel like a complete loser. People fight for their future and yet i am sitting here lazing to wait for my future to unveil infront of me.

I will stay strong. For you.

Nightmare

Well. Awake at 8.20am explains what i had gone through the night. It was one of the most scariest night i will ever have and one of my last i hope.

What if one day you woke up losing all the connections with the person you love so dearly. From facebook to msn to even reality. She seems to just disappear from this face of this earth. Changing all her contacts or maybe just disappear. You try typing her name into the search engine and find her missing from the list you always used to search for her. Her email just seems to change. It is how funny things can be. I cried in this dream of mine. Eventually I jump to my death. It was spooky i got to say. Dying in your dream/nightmare. This may just be a sign i got to give up before i hurt myself in reality.

From someone who really care about me. She said this to me. If this girl really care/love you still, she in the first place will never abandon you and leave you dangling around with this mixed feelings. Maybe so. Perharps so.

The Simple Niwa Sushi

Ever since one week ago, I already have been crazing for sushi. Eunos's niwa sushi outlet was closed for renovation the time I went. I told myself i got to live with it and went home after that. Easily said. So this week nothing going to stop my craze.

Sadly, this week i got to make my way home alone this week. With a fieldpack on my back, I pracitcally made my way down to simei's east point to have my well deserved meal which cost me $12.10. I feel that fatigue coming out of my body. Aching here and there. All i need was a good nap or rest.

As time goes by on my way from pasir ris to simei by mrt, i walked past all the familiar places that will refresh memories from here to there. Practially it was everywhere. I did not held my head up high as i breeze past the shops without ever looking at my surrounding.

I told myself i must i could not fall back to square one which was last week. Soon i found myself sitting on that corner table of the shop that we had memories. The exact same seat i had dinner with her at niwa sushi. There was tons of people walking in and out of the shop. Eerking sound of school shoes was one of the most irritating thing some people really hate. As for me, it is different. Come on. I ask myself once again. Was it really there to have that meal or to seek a glimpse that i long for ? Sometimes it is so hard to know the answer. As i held the book 'P.S. I love you' walking the way out of east point, i find it so hard to bring myself away to seek an answer that i refused to face. I bring myself to take the mrt and get out of east point or more of simei before i fall back to square one. I took the route of not taking 38 as not to bring myself off that bus stop that i hate once to see again. Where we waited for my bus before every time we parted for a period not knowing when we would meet again.



At times, it is hard to bring yourself to recover from the past. In the 'P.S. I Love You' book i am reading, Holly find it so so so hard to forget Gerry. She lived by everyday with letters that she would only open every month. Seeking an answer that she want to hear. But by the time, she realised it again. Gerry isn't there anymore. With every item she look in her house, she carried memories she had with Gerry. Gerry's presence was always there with her. Always.

It's sad how i could bring myself to fall down and could not really recover from it. It is so much of a mistake that i will never recover. I know life is unfair. I am unfair to people and I am unfair to myself too. I am selfish in some sense. I could not bring myself forward no more than this very square. Every time, I try. I fell back. I keep trying and i keep falling back. I thought I could make it like every time i did. This is reality and the reality is not reality to me anymore.


I am missing you. Sorry.

Justin Bieber-That should be me[HQ+Lyrics]

Ease the pain!

To add in. Today is book in day. It always this day all NS men will have mixed feelings. Especially recruits like me and you. This week objective. To smile more.

I will lead my life again on my own and my way. Even though my heart will stand by itself, it will never be shaken again. To put it, i will still find it hard to forget her yet i just to save it to myself. Expecting nothing will happen between us anymore. Face reality in its hard way.

Never fall in love was a total lie. If i was given another choice, i will still choose her over many.
Even though she was not the most prettiest girl i have ever met, she was one of the best girl with one very spontaneous personalities i have ever met in my life. She handle stuffs with an attitude that many will never have. She equips herself with one of the hardest lock hardly anyone could open.

She did things we all never expect she will. She surprised me with an action that i will never forget in this lifetime. I love her for who she was. And why did i used was. I will never know what she is thinking again. Never will i again.

Face it dennis. Face it!



Spilling the beans again.

Depression

Well. I read the news on that tragic of that widow that husband who fall off the rooftop of the hotel days back. It seems i may suffer slight depression as i realised some signs that was mentioned was similar to mine. I told myself i must recover from this and step up and move on with a positive mindset. I told myself what belongs to me will never run away and whatever is not mine will never be mine. I told myself i will live a better life then i ever had before. I know my mindset is set that i will hardly forget you in this lifetime. Life is unfair and there are things you got to suck thumb to live on.

I told myself if there was ever a chance that we will even meet up. I would bring myself to ask her this question. It is simple and easy. Do you still know me ?

Trust me. I guess if there will ever be this chance. Should i even say hi and just ignore ? It's weird and people may find it funny for what i said above. It seems that question seems simple yet complicated. Things are never easy.


Today i enjoyed myself. Going out with people i really care for and forgetting my depression. I may have recovered bits today yet there is still tomorrow. Face it. Face reality.

Thanks people. YC KEV GG and SCH =D

Glee - Over the Rainbow (HQ STUDIO) w/ LYRICS

Days Ahead.

Day 1 of my booking in.

It was a simple day like any other day that all of us book in. Seeing everyone all around with their jocket caps and the greeny uniform with their field pack. Looking at all the botaks around me. All that sweat we got to drop. All that blood we got to shed over the weekdays till the day we book out on friday.

First came the run. I don't really know why at times when i run i really feel numb and don't really know what am i doing to myself. I don't feel anything when i run. Simply, I can't seems to care anymore. I push myself to a limit i have never reached before.

Day 2.

I fell sick having a fever of 37.5. So as usual I skipped all my training on that day itself. Went to see the medical officer. Was given 3 days to rest. Don't really know whether it was a bad or good thing. The purpose of me serving the army is to keep myself fit and lose my weight. The day ended easy for me as others had speed training. The second speed training i missed. I had never done a speed training till this very day. It seems that I am not very much fated to run for speed training.

Day 3.

I was terrribly ill in the morning with my fever still on for the day before till now. It seems hard to concentrate. Luckily my section in-charge asked the sgt for me to rest in bunk. It seems once in a lifetime thing, it was APPROVED! with a Att B status. So i slept through the whole morning till 11am while the rest went for a run of 2.4km. I was regarded having the best recruit life you can ever imagine. Even though I was sick, I told myself i could not slack my way off. I push myself. I ran almost 4km and did 160 crunches. It backfired in some sense that the fever came back just before light out. I really need someone to message this time. Feeling down due to holding on too long, sick, lonely and whatsoever. Tons of things went through my mind. I already knew there won't be any reply. Face it.

Day 4.

A bad day is over. Now i got to face reality once again. The other part why am I just fortunate to be the luckiest recruit you can ever imagine. Being on MC, I was given this opportunity to be the lucky few to fire a SAR 21 gun! 6 bullets were given to us each. BANG BANG BANG BANG! It all ended within seconds but tons of things went through my mind before I hold on to that gun and look into the scope and start firing. Details I will keep it to myself.
The throat somehow tored into half today too. I can't have my meals properly. Can't even swallow my saliva at all. I skipped some training and did some night exercise instead before I sleep.

Day 5.

As usual, road march road march road march! My throat was still the same as yesterday. Pain was the only word I could use for my throat. Lucky, today is our book out there. Here i am blogging my way.

Shall continue tomorrow. Looking forward day by day. Hoping tomorrow will be a better day.







P.S. I Love You.

Doubts

Linger around with that feeling is like playing your hands with fire. It's sad here and there. Going back to camp. Blah blah.

I got to ask some questions over and over myself.
1) Am I still loving her ? Yes
2) Have you ever thought of patching up ? Yes

3) Do you think she over you ? Yes

Well. It is funny I got to answer all these questions myself. It's funny. I am all alone once again writing this blog. Finally I got what she was applying to me on her nick. Finally get to see it.

I don't know whether her nick applies to me. I guess it was.

She is so right about that. Elaborating what she said. People who are closest to you will always tend to make mistakes that hurt you so deeply that you will never recover from it. We swore never to hurt but we are still human no matter what. Human make mistakes. I chose my path to be honest. Even though i still regret it sometimes.

Still remembering those times. She will always say " Time will heal everything." It was well said. Time will heal everything for her. For me, it will too. How long ? I will never know. At least for her, I already could see her stepping out of this pit of sadness carrying on with life. I am sorry that I have hurt you.

The day I broke off with you is not the day I stop loving you. I needed time to clear my thoughts. It was unfair to you so i chose this path. I put you infront of even myself. The mistake is done and I can't change that fact. The only thing is that I thought of you first.

To those people out there reading my blog. All humans make mistakes. If you make a mistake, you admit it. If you don't, too bad. Live with it for life. It will show what type of person you are.
In life we also learnt things that if you do something bad, don't get caught.

And also people who are around you make mistakes. Whether it is yr parents, siblings, your aunt uncle, who or whatsoever. Touch your heart. Will you ever forgive them for their mistakes they do ?

Was our love too shallow that I wasn't even worth forgiving ? I never doubt it. It wasn't. Was my mistake too grave ? Yes I guess so.

Well. At least she won't know it either. Till this day, she was the still the best girlfriend I ever had. Even though the name of girlfriend is not where i want it to end, I got to live with it.

Must stop whinning and suck it up and do it. T.T

Utakata Hanabi by Supercell

Days in 7th Coy

Time flies. Finishing my 1st month of the 24 months of army.

Let me summarise in short some of the achievements and people I know in my section. From bed 1 to 14.

Fiq, ZhenJin, Avan, Sebastain, Andy, Leng Ho, Jia Yue, Brie, Adrian, Jia Qing, Boon Kiat, Kian Wei, Me and last but not least Ernest.

We spent hardship all together achieving more than what we can ever imagine. Living in one small room of our own, we spent every moment thinking of one thing. BOOK OUT! Woot. Well not only that I got to say. We just trying to grab what we have never achieved. From 0 passes in our IPPT to 5 passes. We will keep trying and trying to achieve the impossible.

At least for me, I achieve my personal best for my 2.4km. 10.47 mins. I never knew I could do that till I try. Mind over body, mind over body. I will always keep that in mind.




Flashback keep haunting me back. It seems that it seems impossible to stop being emotional when i talk about her. At times, I will just randomly hold on to her photo and look at it. Looking at the last piece of the 4 letters she gave me for our 6th month anniversary. Reading it again and again. Thinking about that ring we made. Thinking of how much I wish I could own her to be beside me always.

To conclude what much of my section mate had said. It seems hard to patch back a relationship. In addition, the feeling will be different. Unless both parties love each other truly. I got to agree with that. And they once said that, coming to that as times passes, feeling do fade. It have never fade in any ways for me. As for her, i will never get to know. Sending my prayers to the sky every single day. Hoping for an answer I long to hear.

I have stopped my empty messages for a reason. A's is nearing and it is time for her to concentrate on her studies. I guess I got to say this. All the best for her studies. If this is a test for my love for her, I will bear with it. If she still love me, i guess it will be for her too. Who cares what stand ahead of both of us, if we really truly love each other ?

Love is selfish. Nothing is impossible. God have once bring us together for a reason. I hold on to you for 2 years and 1 month. Now i am asking God for one last chance. This last chance to let me hold on to you for the rest of my life. Even at this point of time, my eyes once again are about to tear and this is the worst times i had in recent times. I am cutting my connection with you just for you and your future. Sending my prayers from far.

Telling myself to SMILE. Forcing every bits of my happiness to come out. There are still lots of people who i can help out there but is there any soul out there willing to help me.

Cheer Up Dennis! =)

Funny

Things are all about fun. Funny things do happen. It's everywhere. She came online yesterday. Idea of doing that ? No idea. The most funny thing is she appeared online as ari****n@hotmail.com is online. O.O I think she was trying to tell something to me. No idea what was it. Next thing I sms her asking what she was trying to tell me. She tell me it was an accident.

Her appearance bring a glimpse of light to me yet the more she appeared in my life, the faster we going to end this. Even though I still like or even love her. I rather I could just stay on like this. Knowing she safe and sound from far and keeping her unknowingly at all. I know it seems rather retarded or idiot to do so. I hope things does not change at this point of time.

And at this point of time, I wonder once again. Is she over me or is she into me ? It seems weird asking myself this after writing what is mentioned above. I slightly guess it. Maybe 85 to over me and 15 to into me. I really don't know what lies in front of me. As today is my book in day!

And yesterday I realised something. With that envelope with her photo, there lies a letter. I was at bugis when i realised it. It was our 6 month anniversary letter she gave to me. It was one of the things that was not tore into pieces. It was a beautiful mistake. That was the only few things that wasn't destroyed along with the others. Coming to that. I remember that what her sister had said to me on that terrible day. Our love is over like the things she destroyed on that day. Sometimes I wonder, if there was any chance that we could be together again.

People fight for love. In army, we fight for our loved one. In life, we fight for to be loved. In relationship, we fight for the name of love. So who or what are you fighting for ?

I chosen my path and no one else will change it. If you came to change my decision in my life, screw it. It is my life and it does not belong to you at all. I know you guys care for me but i chose this path that i would not change for the time being. Stay strong and stay firm. When people don't believe you will succeed, this is when you prove them wrong.



Everyday, lots of dreams and hopes were scattered unknowingly. I know my hopes were already scattered long ago. Yet life doesn't end here. When life doesn't end, dreams and hopes still exist. It is only when your heart stop beating, there is where you know your life has ended along with yr dreams and hopes.

It is book in day. Book in Book in Day! T.T

Jason mraz -Nobody Likes Me-You And I Both(live)

Dreaming

To kick off this post. I dreamt of her the day before. It was kind of weird. It was so real that I couldn't bring myself out of it till my mum came in with a vaccum cleaner. Vooooooooommmmm. I was woken up by it. I cant believe it that the dream was so clear in my mind. I could even feel that she was beside me at that moment, as I hug her in that dream of mine.

Things doesn't change for now at all. I will never for the time being or maybe years to come. I know it is over but yet even my mind shows that time has stopped for her. It seems weird but I got to accept it still. I guess I was being emotion at times. As the day nears to book in again where life is all about fitness and marching. Till now I am left with one task to do with her. As we were suppose to bring photographs of our loved one. To be exact, it was going to be our family, girlfriend and friends photos. I chose to bring her photo in to paste it on my locker mirror along with my family photo. I don't really understand why am i still struck here refusing to move. I am warned times to times that it will be useless to stop right here. Yet i still refuses to listen. Ignorance i got to say it.



I will continue to push for greater height in other stuffs yet leaving my relationship life behind at this very spot. She will never learn about this no matter what. Simply, I am hidding this so she could just go on with life.


Love Life.

(Dear John)
Eventually I chosen to be how John treated Savannah. Not to pursue anything from her at all. All he care was her happiness even if he had to give up on her. Seeing her smile was the best ever I could ever wish for.






Book I am reading
P.S. I love you =]