It has been days I last talk to her. As time goes back, I should be saying it is getting better and better. Things does not always happen that way. Its time to talk about the past once again.
Even though we are together once again. Things never changed much for her. Its was her promotion year to junior college. She was a very smart girl and almost perfect in some sense. She could make it to Vjc, Tjc or an intergrated programme that her school cater to students like her. She was special I could say. It was a stressful year for her. It was solely because of her studies we agreed to this rule of putting studies first infront of anything. I do care for her throughly, yes I do. That why we rarely argue over things and quarrel was a mysterious word for us to use. It was like alien to both of us. Where most couple argue and quarrel in a monthly basis. Our seems like honeymoon period every month. We do not know why but we enjoyed every moment we had together. I could only explain this with the reason of we meeting in a weekly basis due to our differences in our life schedule. I will always make a effort to call her at 11 and chat an hour or so to see how was she.
Now coming back to that. Our next outing after we were together was a double date to escape theme park. Remember those days. Me and her with samuel and amanda to escape theme park. It was a fun experience. Indeed it was. As though it was just yesterday, pictures still surfacing in my mind. Having you beside me sitting that pirate ship. It was priceless. Even eating that meal at burger king was so so so clear in my mind now. Remembering the dare that amanda and samuel dare us to share one piece of fries. And pulling you to the haunted hse! Everything seems so clear till now. And the only thing I guess she will be thinking of that day was the failed attempt to light the sparkle on a rainy day.
That was the day you force me to sing a song to you. I bet you forget totally about it. Still remembering those moments. And lastly it all ended with a hug that time stopped for that moment. Time could not be better waste than this. Even though it was raining still, we never failed to stop smiling. I can say we truly love each other at that moment.
That was march 2008. Just days before her birthday.
Facts
I m neither romantic nor am i sensitive at all. I guess wasn't mature enough yet with love. I will grow and I will learn. When that day comes by, I will be different as you know I will/will not be the right one for you.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
I'm so lost without you
I guess picture speaks a thousand words. Adding in the music I guess it speaks more than that thousand words.
2008 was a whole new year to start out with. We could not meet much either for this coming year. We chat on the phone and msn as usual almost everyday. I confessed my love to her a number of times.
How it all started. She pop that question of whether I had someone that I like or love. At first, I didn't want to tell her. She was a very cursious person. Nosy about things that she shouldn't know. When I answered her, she was like shocked at the spot. Speechless for seconds. Motionless she stood. Yes, I want you as my girlfriend!
She never answered directly me. She just said she needed more time. As the typical me, i rushed her for some sort of indirect answer. She gave me an answer sooner than I expected. The answer it was either valentine or my birthday. I was like happy yet still waiting for that day to come by.
Days passed by. I was counting down to Valentine. Even though I know it was her important year. It determines which Junior College she was heading to, I never failed to bug her for that answer I want to hear.
Valentine was soon nearing. Even though it was suppose to be happy but for guys hmm. It was part of a tedious and headache day to face. What to get for her ? The big problem.
It was the day I got to face judgement. It may sound rash yet for guys yet one wrong thing you do for this holy day. It may turn out the good or bad side. Nevertheless, I plan mine with precaution all over. Going down to marina to buy movies ticket as early as 1pm, getting the chocolates and gift the day before. Buying the roses on that actual day. Precious planning was expected. It is a sad thing that secondary school did not have school holiday for that day. She ended at a standard time of 5.45pm. I offer to pick her up and take a cab down to marina after that to catch the movie. Could not remember what movie was it. If i never recall wrongly, it was mama mia!
Love that movie. I got to agree. =] After which, dinner at kenny roger!! Love the food but it was too filling. FULL! The day end short because time was once again against us. I got to send her home. Along the way home, we talk a little. It was till the pathway at outside her house.
" I need to tell you something" she said.
" Close your eyes " she added.
So without any hesiation. I closed my eyes. She hold my hand and wrote something on it.
I did not know what she wrote. Afterwhich, a gentle kiss went onto my cheek and i opened my eyes. She was 3metres away from me already. It left me speechless, motionless and blank. I did not know how to react. I just start to walk to catch up with her with shocked spelled all over my face. I send her all the way to her lift.
I called her after that. Asking her what did that mean ? She told me we are together. Ok. I got to accept the fact that all my efforts were paid off and i felt silly at that point of time. I was overjoyed with that. It mark a very special day of my life. My 3rd relationship which I will cherish very dearly.
Gosh 3.20pm the time I woke up! It was crazy. But I realise no one really care what time i woke up. I was all alone at this point of time. I cant say i love nor i hate it. It was kind of a neutral feeling. No way I could go back to my past yet future lies lots of mystery that will soon reveal itself. Time to time, I know dreaming is just not reality. Even though dreams are meant for someone to attain higher heights. Without actions, I got to agree dreams will just remain as dreams.
Monday, May 24, 2010
A Sweet Smile
Christmas was nearing. What could i get for her in this process of courting her. Teddy bear, necklaces........ I was walking around the city and looking around what to get for her. Something caught my eyes at bugis junction. It was this soft toy. Guess what is it ? hedgehog! It was about 50 cm in height. I know I got to get this plushie for her. 2 days before Christmas, I fixed a time with her to meet her at her school. It was at Buona Vista. That was the very first time I went down to her school. As I said in my previous post, she was the busiest person in school. I called her soon after I reached her school. Step by step, I walked into her school. The guard did not suspect anything and I just dont wish to care much either too.
"Hello, I just reached your school" and "Where are you ?" I said.
"Give me a moment and I will be right down" She said in a very fast enough friendly manner.
She ran down to meet me with 2 of her friends. I was holding this huge plastic bag with that soft toy. She didn't care much as she look me in my eyes and give a very awkward thank you to me. And she left with a breeze soon after.
I message her soon after I left the school compound. As a typical gentlemen, I message her whether she like the gift. She did not reply much but she was busy preparing a concert in progress. Soon, I knew she love the gift in some sense as she was playing with it always putting it near her bed.
More or less it was end of the year after christmas as we didnt meet till the next year. It seems the next year sounds so far yet it was just days away. She was 16 this coming year. Secondary 4 to be exact.
2008! HEAD ON! A year of dreams and fun!
That is all for now!
What did I do today. Today was interesting yet stupid in some sense.
1) Pool with tse yun fadilah delphine and chong hung at pool place.
2) A call from wei guang. Bing quan met with an accident. It was a hit and run accident.
3) At Simei once again after the visit of BQ, though not hoping anything yet thinking the impossible to happen once again to see her once again.
4) Saw her sister along the way. Didn't know whether her sister could recognise me. Hope not i guess even though she was giving that not so friendly face when she walk past me.
It was a day of mixed feeling here and there.
Basketballing in the morning till 2.45pm with chong hung. Went home to bath afterwhich was pool time. I have a craze for pool nowadays. Playing it till 5am at times for the past few days.
So I met delphine fadilah tse yun at the pool place with chong hung. I received that unexpected call from wei guang. I thought what was it for. He broke the bad news. BQ was in hospital. Out of curiousity, I asked what happen to him. He met with an hit and run accident at Old tampines road. I could not think much and head on to meet wei guang straight. He pick up yik meng along the way to Changi General Hospital.
Along the way, I asked about the condition of BQ. Wei guang said he was in a bad shape. So we head on to CGH to visit him. The first thing I reached CGH was memories flowing through my mind all over. Remembering last year I was warded too at this exact place due to gastric problems. Flashback flashback of siew eng came into my mind. Considering how gentle and thoughtful she was to me at CGH. Visiting me even though time was against her. There was a mixed feeling, but my mind straighten out and visiting have to go on. When we enter the ward where BQ was, the first thought was to check he was alright. I could see that he was recovering fast comparing with the words what wei guang was saying at that time we were in the car. At least he could recognise me and yik meng calling us by our nicknames. Emotions were all over at that point of time, seeing a friend warded in the hospital wasn't a good feeling at all. Even though he wasn't that close to me at all, all I wanted to give my goodwill and gradtitue for him to recover fast.
We stayed for a while and chat with him in the process. We head off for dinner. Wei guang asked for suggestion for dinner. The first thought that came to my mind was East Point. Hoping for the unexpected. Even though I told myself from the inside not to meet her again, I was hoping to catch a glimpse of her along the way. As yik meng and I had our dinner already, we headed outside as he wanted to have a smoke. I suggested we had bubble tea at her favourite shop. Along the way, I saw her sister walking pass the toilet outside while I was about to exit it. I could not figure whether she could recognise me or whatsoever. She gave a quite emotionless face or maybe slightly pissed off. I went on with plan and bought the honey green bubbletea. Heading back to banquet to meet up with wei guang and his gf, we left soon after. Hoping nothing will turn out bad due to the misunderstanding between me and her sister.
Maybe that's what makes love blind and make me seems like a fool at times. If only that fool will get his day one day, things will be so much greater than yesterday. Yet yesterday looks the same as today, nothing seems different at all.
13 days in counting to my botak head! Hoping to blog more before I get myself enlisted!
"Hello, I just reached your school" and "Where are you ?" I said.
"Give me a moment and I will be right down" She said in a very fast enough friendly manner.
She ran down to meet me with 2 of her friends. I was holding this huge plastic bag with that soft toy. She didn't care much as she look me in my eyes and give a very awkward thank you to me. And she left with a breeze soon after.
I message her soon after I left the school compound. As a typical gentlemen, I message her whether she like the gift. She did not reply much but she was busy preparing a concert in progress. Soon, I knew she love the gift in some sense as she was playing with it always putting it near her bed.
More or less it was end of the year after christmas as we didnt meet till the next year. It seems the next year sounds so far yet it was just days away. She was 16 this coming year. Secondary 4 to be exact.
2008! HEAD ON! A year of dreams and fun!
That is all for now!
What did I do today. Today was interesting yet stupid in some sense.
1) Pool with tse yun fadilah delphine and chong hung at pool place.
2) A call from wei guang. Bing quan met with an accident. It was a hit and run accident.
3) At Simei once again after the visit of BQ, though not hoping anything yet thinking the impossible to happen once again to see her once again.
4) Saw her sister along the way. Didn't know whether her sister could recognise me. Hope not i guess even though she was giving that not so friendly face when she walk past me.
It was a day of mixed feeling here and there.
Basketballing in the morning till 2.45pm with chong hung. Went home to bath afterwhich was pool time. I have a craze for pool nowadays. Playing it till 5am at times for the past few days.
So I met delphine fadilah tse yun at the pool place with chong hung. I received that unexpected call from wei guang. I thought what was it for. He broke the bad news. BQ was in hospital. Out of curiousity, I asked what happen to him. He met with an hit and run accident at Old tampines road. I could not think much and head on to meet wei guang straight. He pick up yik meng along the way to Changi General Hospital.
Along the way, I asked about the condition of BQ. Wei guang said he was in a bad shape. So we head on to CGH to visit him. The first thing I reached CGH was memories flowing through my mind all over. Remembering last year I was warded too at this exact place due to gastric problems. Flashback flashback of siew eng came into my mind. Considering how gentle and thoughtful she was to me at CGH. Visiting me even though time was against her. There was a mixed feeling, but my mind straighten out and visiting have to go on. When we enter the ward where BQ was, the first thought was to check he was alright. I could see that he was recovering fast comparing with the words what wei guang was saying at that time we were in the car. At least he could recognise me and yik meng calling us by our nicknames. Emotions were all over at that point of time, seeing a friend warded in the hospital wasn't a good feeling at all. Even though he wasn't that close to me at all, all I wanted to give my goodwill and gradtitue for him to recover fast.
We stayed for a while and chat with him in the process. We head off for dinner. Wei guang asked for suggestion for dinner. The first thought that came to my mind was East Point. Hoping for the unexpected. Even though I told myself from the inside not to meet her again, I was hoping to catch a glimpse of her along the way. As yik meng and I had our dinner already, we headed outside as he wanted to have a smoke. I suggested we had bubble tea at her favourite shop. Along the way, I saw her sister walking pass the toilet outside while I was about to exit it. I could not figure whether she could recognise me or whatsoever. She gave a quite emotionless face or maybe slightly pissed off. I went on with plan and bought the honey green bubbletea. Heading back to banquet to meet up with wei guang and his gf, we left soon after. Hoping nothing will turn out bad due to the misunderstanding between me and her sister.
Maybe that's what makes love blind and make me seems like a fool at times. If only that fool will get his day one day, things will be so much greater than yesterday. Yet yesterday looks the same as today, nothing seems different at all.
13 days in counting to my botak head! Hoping to blog more before I get myself enlisted!
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Her life style
Concert was over. I watched her performed on the concert. The most foolish thing about this concert was I forget my specs and I was sitting at the second last row of Singapore Conference Hall. How nice can things be. Nevertheless it cant stop me from getting glimpse of her from the second row third/forth seat from the left.
The best thing was she solo-ed one of the scores. From that day onwards, I know this girl was special. She was musically inclined. She is grade 8 in piano and grade 10 in zhong ruan. Something special that girls out there are rarely equiped with.
Soon we started talking on the phone about our lifes. Her life was hectic. She was always busy and time was against us. I tried to meet her a few times. It failed always till this very time.
We fixed a meetup with a few of friends and her friends to catch a movie. Let me name them. Amanda, Linda, Samuel and herself. My friends who came were one of the few closest to me. Hon Tek and Kevin. We catch this movie of Resident Evil 3. I knew this movie will be epic. Hon Tek, one of the few person I know around that was unafraid of anything except HORROR movie. Even though i dont rate this movie as one of them. It never fail to spice things up to see that priceless impression of both Hon Tek and Linda with that 'i cant continue to watch this movie' look.
After which, we ended the outing with a lunch at subway. We part from there and that day ended as fine as the weather could be.
Ending here for now. That is for today.
I guess this wait will be long and tedious. How will this be. I will be waiting for that day of 03-12-2010 to come back. maybe after that i will break the news of the blog to her.
I am living still in this past. I get back the actual same white earpieces that she give at east point today. I started reading too to enhance my english. Dear John < nice book. u guys should try. Love the book due to the similar storyline to mine. I assume so if i does or not. Currently at page 50 out of dont know how many more pages to go. Nites people.
The best thing was she solo-ed one of the scores. From that day onwards, I know this girl was special. She was musically inclined. She is grade 8 in piano and grade 10 in zhong ruan. Something special that girls out there are rarely equiped with.
Soon we started talking on the phone about our lifes. Her life was hectic. She was always busy and time was against us. I tried to meet her a few times. It failed always till this very time.
We fixed a meetup with a few of friends and her friends to catch a movie. Let me name them. Amanda, Linda, Samuel and herself. My friends who came were one of the few closest to me. Hon Tek and Kevin. We catch this movie of Resident Evil 3. I knew this movie will be epic. Hon Tek, one of the few person I know around that was unafraid of anything except HORROR movie. Even though i dont rate this movie as one of them. It never fail to spice things up to see that priceless impression of both Hon Tek and Linda with that 'i cant continue to watch this movie' look.
After which, we ended the outing with a lunch at subway. We part from there and that day ended as fine as the weather could be.
Ending here for now. That is for today.
I guess this wait will be long and tedious. How will this be. I will be waiting for that day of 03-12-2010 to come back. maybe after that i will break the news of the blog to her.
I am living still in this past. I get back the actual same white earpieces that she give at east point today. I started reading too to enhance my english. Dear John < nice book. u guys should try. Love the book due to the similar storyline to mine. I assume so if i does or not. Currently at page 50 out of dont know how many more pages to go. Nites people.
Friday, May 21, 2010
The concert.
How should i start this post. From the title you guys can see what it is roughly it is about.
To continue from the previous post. We exchange numbers. Talking as normal. I came to know that she was having her practice at one of the community centre near my house. I was shocked and surprise. Is this really fate or is it really call fate ? I took upon that chance to meet her or maybe I should put it as a glimpse of her after her practice. Those memories still so vividly in my mind. Still remembering that she was holding her zhong ruan ( a chinese instrument that look like an guitar with a round bottom ) with her friend walking down that flight of stairs. She waved at me with a smile that i will never forget. It may seems retarded but that smile embark me to a journey that will never ever forget.
Once again, I continue to text her and finally I have this chance to meet up with her. She asked me to buy her concert ticket. Somehow we both were making use of each other in some sense. =X I wanted to meet up with her to close up that distance between me and her. She was meeting me for the sales of her ticket. Here comes the irony, she told me that the seats around me were RGS girls (Raffles Girls School). I was like O.o Even though, I know that the purpose of me buying the ticket wasn't really due to that. Nevertheless, I will always take this incident to tease her. Why was that so ? There was only this mid-age couple beside me. T.T
Before the concert, I initiated to meet her up at Singapore Conference Hall just to accompany her home on that day. Why so ? She asked me. Isn't it obvious enough ? Just to know her more and more and even more!
That day I made 2 new friends of hers. Linda and Amanda. We took the train home from there. Chit chatting. They were somehow bombaring me with questions. Why did I come for ? O.O
I just realised i made a foolish answer to that. OH NO LA. I JUST WANT TO COME TO SEE THE PLACE BEFORE THE CONCERT DAY. SO I KNOW HOW TO COME ON THAT DAY!
what a big lie that was. The biggest lie i ever made in my life.
So as normal I sent her home from tanjong pagar, realising I have moved my first step in this wonderful part of my life. Walking down that pathway down, opposite simei mrt, sending her home.
I shall end here today. Shall continue tomorrow or something!
Referring to the previous post. I don't know whether is there anyone out there reading this. If really there is. Thanks for forking out time to hear me rant about my past relationship.
My current life: I NEED TO GET HOLD OF MYSELF BEFORE I FALL OFF THIS CLIFF! =[
To continue from the previous post. We exchange numbers. Talking as normal. I came to know that she was having her practice at one of the community centre near my house. I was shocked and surprise. Is this really fate or is it really call fate ? I took upon that chance to meet her or maybe I should put it as a glimpse of her after her practice. Those memories still so vividly in my mind. Still remembering that she was holding her zhong ruan ( a chinese instrument that look like an guitar with a round bottom ) with her friend walking down that flight of stairs. She waved at me with a smile that i will never forget. It may seems retarded but that smile embark me to a journey that will never ever forget.
Once again, I continue to text her and finally I have this chance to meet up with her. She asked me to buy her concert ticket. Somehow we both were making use of each other in some sense. =X I wanted to meet up with her to close up that distance between me and her. She was meeting me for the sales of her ticket. Here comes the irony, she told me that the seats around me were RGS girls (Raffles Girls School). I was like O.o Even though, I know that the purpose of me buying the ticket wasn't really due to that. Nevertheless, I will always take this incident to tease her. Why was that so ? There was only this mid-age couple beside me. T.T
Before the concert, I initiated to meet her up at Singapore Conference Hall just to accompany her home on that day. Why so ? She asked me. Isn't it obvious enough ? Just to know her more and more and even more!
That day I made 2 new friends of hers. Linda and Amanda. We took the train home from there. Chit chatting. They were somehow bombaring me with questions. Why did I come for ? O.O
I just realised i made a foolish answer to that. OH NO LA. I JUST WANT TO COME TO SEE THE PLACE BEFORE THE CONCERT DAY. SO I KNOW HOW TO COME ON THAT DAY!
what a big lie that was. The biggest lie i ever made in my life.
So as normal I sent her home from tanjong pagar, realising I have moved my first step in this wonderful part of my life. Walking down that pathway down, opposite simei mrt, sending her home.
I shall end here today. Shall continue tomorrow or something!
Referring to the previous post. I don't know whether is there anyone out there reading this. If really there is. Thanks for forking out time to hear me rant about my past relationship.
My current life: I NEED TO GET HOLD OF MYSELF BEFORE I FALL OFF THIS CLIFF! =[
Monday, May 17, 2010
Introduction
So firstly self-intro myself first. I am a typical guy around with an attitude. Well, I just graduated from Chemical Process Technology, Singapore Polytechnic. I could say I am just a average joe out there, staying in the east.
Let me start off this story I am going to share.
Firstly, it all date back to the year 2007 August, the day that i started to step back into my life.
Back then I was still an emotional kid, recovering from post breakoff relationship. To think back now, i was foolish. I just broke off with my second gf not so long yet long, Pearlyn. It was my first semester in Polytechnic. Experience saddness all around, still remembering those days where athirah told me. Cheer up with a smile on a face. =]
A few months have passed. Gradually, I recovered from this bad experience. Slowly I told myself, it is time for a new gf i guess. Even though it sounds desperate for maybe you. I, myself thought so too.
Well, this is when i tried every aspects to know a new girl. Somehow i succeed in doing so. I happened to know this girl, GSE ( her initial for her name ) from my MSN!?!?!!?!?! Not knowing even how she appeared on my msn. I try to hitch her. LOL
I still remember back then i was still 17 going to 18 and she was just 15 going to 16. Young were we, but we were very mature in some sense. Still recalling how I started talking to her. Guess what, from the start of the conversation I did not really know she was a singaporean. She was dark with her skin complex. Somehow i thought she was an Indo Chinese living in Australia.
A step at a time, i try to know her. Sometimes i even waited for her to come online for nights. It went on for 2 weeks or so. Talking to her like I knew her for years and yet we had only knew each other for weeks. I get to know she was a chinese!?!?! hahaha. Well, she was borned with that skin colour. By then, we were still using friendster! HAHAHA. So i added her on friendster, went through her photos and happen to know where is she from. I was like WoW, she was a student in one of the top school in the east.
So the typical stuffs happened. We exchanged numbers, blah blah shall not cont. ( You guys know it ). Things got going, we chat through messsaging for months. Let me leak out some details about her. She was the Chinese Orchestra Chairperson at that time I know her. At that point, I knew she was one of the busiest person in school from her actions. She planned from the biggest concert to the smallest with high expectation. ( It was solely due to her school status, her school is one of the best CO around Singapore ^^ )
I guess that is all for today. Having graduation ceremony later T.T Hope somebody in this world is reading my blog. Leave a comment if you ever did. Thanks!
Let me start off this story I am going to share.
Firstly, it all date back to the year 2007 August, the day that i started to step back into my life.
Back then I was still an emotional kid, recovering from post breakoff relationship. To think back now, i was foolish. I just broke off with my second gf not so long yet long, Pearlyn. It was my first semester in Polytechnic. Experience saddness all around, still remembering those days where athirah told me. Cheer up with a smile on a face. =]
A few months have passed. Gradually, I recovered from this bad experience. Slowly I told myself, it is time for a new gf i guess. Even though it sounds desperate for maybe you. I, myself thought so too.
Well, this is when i tried every aspects to know a new girl. Somehow i succeed in doing so. I happened to know this girl, GSE ( her initial for her name ) from my MSN!?!?!!?!?! Not knowing even how she appeared on my msn. I try to hitch her. LOL
I still remember back then i was still 17 going to 18 and she was just 15 going to 16. Young were we, but we were very mature in some sense. Still recalling how I started talking to her. Guess what, from the start of the conversation I did not really know she was a singaporean. She was dark with her skin complex. Somehow i thought she was an Indo Chinese living in Australia.
A step at a time, i try to know her. Sometimes i even waited for her to come online for nights. It went on for 2 weeks or so. Talking to her like I knew her for years and yet we had only knew each other for weeks. I get to know she was a chinese!?!?! hahaha. Well, she was borned with that skin colour. By then, we were still using friendster! HAHAHA. So i added her on friendster, went through her photos and happen to know where is she from. I was like WoW, she was a student in one of the top school in the east.
So the typical stuffs happened. We exchanged numbers, blah blah shall not cont. ( You guys know it ). Things got going, we chat through messsaging for months. Let me leak out some details about her. She was the Chinese Orchestra Chairperson at that time I know her. At that point, I knew she was one of the busiest person in school from her actions. She planned from the biggest concert to the smallest with high expectation. ( It was solely due to her school status, her school is one of the best CO around Singapore ^^ )
I guess that is all for today. Having graduation ceremony later T.T Hope somebody in this world is reading my blog. Leave a comment if you ever did. Thanks!
A New Blog!
Welcome to my blog guys and girls. To start of why i started this blog using this title, let me explain. Everything that I wrote from the start to the end are facts and truths about me. Yes, it applies to the title too. I am not neither a casanova nor a flirt. What makes me to create this blog was solely due to lack of space in my life and i prefer to share it through the internet. Some place that I can share my emotions and thoughts. I hope at the end of the whole blog I could still recover back to my life and moved on. Yet hoping the best in life to my beloved ones espically this girl that i miss so badly in my life now, Siew Eng.
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