Funny

Things are all about fun. Funny things do happen. It's everywhere. She came online yesterday. Idea of doing that ? No idea. The most funny thing is she appeared online as ari****n@hotmail.com is online. O.O I think she was trying to tell something to me. No idea what was it. Next thing I sms her asking what she was trying to tell me. She tell me it was an accident.

Her appearance bring a glimpse of light to me yet the more she appeared in my life, the faster we going to end this. Even though I still like or even love her. I rather I could just stay on like this. Knowing she safe and sound from far and keeping her unknowingly at all. I know it seems rather retarded or idiot to do so. I hope things does not change at this point of time.

And at this point of time, I wonder once again. Is she over me or is she into me ? It seems weird asking myself this after writing what is mentioned above. I slightly guess it. Maybe 85 to over me and 15 to into me. I really don't know what lies in front of me. As today is my book in day!

And yesterday I realised something. With that envelope with her photo, there lies a letter. I was at bugis when i realised it. It was our 6 month anniversary letter she gave to me. It was one of the things that was not tore into pieces. It was a beautiful mistake. That was the only few things that wasn't destroyed along with the others. Coming to that. I remember that what her sister had said to me on that terrible day. Our love is over like the things she destroyed on that day. Sometimes I wonder, if there was any chance that we could be together again.

People fight for love. In army, we fight for our loved one. In life, we fight for to be loved. In relationship, we fight for the name of love. So who or what are you fighting for ?

I chosen my path and no one else will change it. If you came to change my decision in my life, screw it. It is my life and it does not belong to you at all. I know you guys care for me but i chose this path that i would not change for the time being. Stay strong and stay firm. When people don't believe you will succeed, this is when you prove them wrong.



Everyday, lots of dreams and hopes were scattered unknowingly. I know my hopes were already scattered long ago. Yet life doesn't end here. When life doesn't end, dreams and hopes still exist. It is only when your heart stop beating, there is where you know your life has ended along with yr dreams and hopes.

It is book in day. Book in Book in Day! T.T

Jason mraz -Nobody Likes Me-You And I Both(live)

Dreaming

To kick off this post. I dreamt of her the day before. It was kind of weird. It was so real that I couldn't bring myself out of it till my mum came in with a vaccum cleaner. Vooooooooommmmm. I was woken up by it. I cant believe it that the dream was so clear in my mind. I could even feel that she was beside me at that moment, as I hug her in that dream of mine.

Things doesn't change for now at all. I will never for the time being or maybe years to come. I know it is over but yet even my mind shows that time has stopped for her. It seems weird but I got to accept it still. I guess I was being emotion at times. As the day nears to book in again where life is all about fitness and marching. Till now I am left with one task to do with her. As we were suppose to bring photographs of our loved one. To be exact, it was going to be our family, girlfriend and friends photos. I chose to bring her photo in to paste it on my locker mirror along with my family photo. I don't really understand why am i still struck here refusing to move. I am warned times to times that it will be useless to stop right here. Yet i still refuses to listen. Ignorance i got to say it.



I will continue to push for greater height in other stuffs yet leaving my relationship life behind at this very spot. She will never learn about this no matter what. Simply, I am hidding this so she could just go on with life.


Love Life.

(Dear John)
Eventually I chosen to be how John treated Savannah. Not to pursue anything from her at all. All he care was her happiness even if he had to give up on her. Seeing her smile was the best ever I could ever wish for.






Book I am reading
P.S. I love you =]

Army Days

Home Sweet Home!

I am finally back from confinement week. Serving the nation is always a hard process for all boys changing to man. 17 days have gone. Yet nothing has changed at all. What should I say about army. It is a rountine almost everyday. Waking up at 5.15am to brush your teeth getting ready for 5BX then breakfast. All the way to dinner. Met some friends in there of course. Somehow I made more friends than i met. 13 new friends and a new adventure ahead of me. In this 4 months, friends will be brothers and brothers are meant to have a meaning. To take care of each other in camp. Ernest I got to say is one of the many I have met in there. He is my buddy!

Well. We spent all 17 days in there. Marching, singing and exercise. Running and gymming were how our time were spent. Kind of enjoy it. Getting fit and stuffs.

In the 17 days I met with lots of hardship. Not with army life, it was more because of her. Everyday, I met moments that surface her in my life. From mosquito bites to tons of stuffs.
I don't know why I am losing the grip too often that I can't count what am i doing this. Every time i miss her i would send a blank msg to her. In occassion like long nights, I will find myself sending almost 2 to 3 messages to her. It was kind of stupid to do so. I will try to control it well.

I wonder sometimes. Are we really meant for each other or is it not ? Somehow I reassure myself, every time I look into my surrounding. I left a photo of me and her in my wallet since the day she tore all the stuffs of me and her. I found one exception picture that she only tore bits of it. The picture was still intact in some case. It is silly for me to do so. Issues over issues, problems over problems. How can i make myself give up when the feelings are still vivid till this day.

It seems she kind of recovered from it already. I hope I will withdraw my feelings fast so I would not hurt her in any sense. Giving up is one process human got to face, even though it was not the best way. I know myself that this girl is the one I want to continue my rest of my life. Things can't be changed and mistake can't be forgiven.

I hate to say this still. Tears were in my eyes as I wrote this. Nothing will change the fact that i wrote. I still love her but i will never have the chance to show it ever again. How long it will take i don't know, how far can I go is really not up to me anymore. My mind and heart are overtaking me yet things will never change anymore. I always think that fairytale do happen but only in books. Dreaming till this very day that the message from her will come saying I will give you another chance and forgive you for what you did. Reality is hard to face.


Facts said.

No point having a girlfriend if you cant maintain it. Only do so if you earn a stable income to support the girl you really love. Giving the best to her you can offer is what we call love.
( sgt wx )

Bugis

Still remember the days I made my way down to bugis. With her zhong ruan in my hand. I hold her hand firmly with my other hand. We two will walk down Fu Lu Shou Complex to her way to nafa for preparation for one of her concert. The first time i accompany her down to the place. Walking through bugis street with her zhong ruan. Eyes were put on us, but that didn't bother at all. For the rest of the times, I will usually pick her up from that place to send her home. Time for me and her were hard. I just got to initiate to meet her just to accompany her. Those times were sweet I got to say. Looking at her and accompanying her along the way.



As time passes, my feeling never change. Endless nights. I am left with one day to my army.
I know this love has never ended at all. Times have changed. Someone got to make a decision.
I dont know whether I should do it now. At least both of us can move on. I know I will but i need an answer. An answer that she say she don't love me anymore. I know I still love her but now i wish i could make her hate me. Just to end this as soon as possible. I am sorry. You are my greatest regret of my life.

Her trip overseas

It was her holiday break. It was our days to enjoy our time together. Sadly, she was one of the many chosen for a exchange student to go to china. I know it is going to be hard for us, especically it was during our honeymoon period of our relationship. The period was hard for us but that was what make us stronger in our relationship. I was still having school during the time she left for china. Lucky for us, technology was so advanced, she could call back to singapore daily. Even though it was short, it was sweet too. I waited for her call every night. Patiently waiting and waiting, she never fail to call me. I simply miss those days.

It was hardship yet we are strong due to it. Time was always against us but I know only with this hardship, we could make us yearn for each other more. Slowly she learn to trust me slowly bits by bits.



I finish the book called Dear John. I come to realise even though u truly love someone, u would only care for her happiness. Only when she is happy with you around, that is call love. What's the point of being sad all the time when she was with me. I love every moment of being with her but the day we broke off we argue and quarrel all the time.

But nina once told me. If u love the person, u will want to give up anything just to be with the person. It is true but is things going to be the same. I know i cant be sure that we will be the same since before. I only know that i just want to be with you for all I care.

And like most friends will say. Just give up and find a new one. No point because of one tree, you give up the forest. In my opinion, if this tree is worth waiting for, who cares whether you have the forest still.

All the time people take love like life, and we live life for love. But after all these that I wrote. My life doesn't stop here because I know I cant stop here!

Her Birthday.

Hmm. Trying to recall what happened that day. 27-03-2008. Oh oh. the day i mistaken her birthday was at 28-03-2008 =X It was a terrible thing to remember. She was angry at me for forgetting her birthday date. I simply lost track of it. Nevertheless we enjoyed that wonderful day together. Where did we go hmm. Marina yes marina. It was a thursday. If I wasn't wrong, I remember it was her school term break. So we went out and it wasn't that rush. We caught a movie afterwhich I bought a mango cake for her. I still could see that scene in my mind now. We two sitting down below her house at the table. Me singing that birthday song and sharing that slice of cake. Even though it was just a causal one, she simply love it. I could see it all over her face that she was pleased and she enjoyed that day. It was a day well spent. The gift was great. I made a bottle of stars for her and bought a necklace. She wore it for months till the necklace somehow tanish.



If only these days will come by one more time, I believe she will love me once again.
Time flies. I am left with 4 more days till army. My mind is still full of her.
If I could turn back time, i will love to repeat this 25 months over and over again.
There is no turning back now. I still love her dearly. =[